I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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