Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
