There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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