New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
