My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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