So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
