Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
