Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
