The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just googled if crying burns calories
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
