Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
