I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
