my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
