he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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