i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
