I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
