well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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