it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Randomize
