Don't you send me to vm
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
