I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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