Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
