My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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