Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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