Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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