WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
