There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize
