Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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