Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
