I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
