Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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