youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
