Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
