I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
