He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
