I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
