Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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