return my video game
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
