we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
