we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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