all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
