Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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