I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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