Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
