Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
