When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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