Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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