I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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