i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
