When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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