Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
