I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Im part way to drunk.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
