i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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