Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
