Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
